The problem may not be the kids or your spouse. It may be something deeper.

Holidays bring out two reactions from parents. Some of us groan. Some of us celebrate. 

Summer holidays (in India, often a 2-3 month affair) can make even the most positive parents groan. But that usually happens in the last few weeks of May. 

This time, Mums and Dads seem to have gone a bit crazy much earlier – the clamouring for schools to reopen early, conduct online classes, and give home worksheets, is now extreme. How do I know? Well, I have friends who run schools, some that are teachers and I know the stress they’re going through right now.

Plus, some desperate parents have even mindlessly sent worksheet requests to my blog! Yes, this one.

My mum, a childcare worker herself, consoled me yesterday saying, “Put it down to ignorance. Some parents just don’t know what to do with their children. Many don’t know how to entertain them or deal with a child’s healthy enthusiasm for life.”

I think it’s that and deeper… it’s a refusal to engage with children. 

It’s always easier to let someone else engage with them, and free you up to do the things you have to/want to. There are a hundred things I can attend to if I have my child do something else, or better still – BE somewhere else. 

But ladies and gentleman, this isn’t the time for that. This is a unique time we’re facing.

We’re all struggling with very basic fears. 

Employment. Business. Sustenance. Can pressurizing school solve that problem? No! Can getting online engagement for your child ensure job security for you? No. Can children being busy/studying guarantee you sound mental health? No.

Peace of mind is your own responsibility, not your child’s problem.

We talk about our children falling behind in studies, but I doubt that’s what our irrational fear is actually about. Really, it’s time to take a step back and seek help. I spoke with music therapist Kamal Singh to get some perspective. Singh says that it’s important to remember that being stressed/anxious isn’t a failure on your part. It is more common than you think – ESPECIALLY at this time.

“It’s a time of frustration, getting emotional… and the normal reaction is to look outside and see what you don’t approve of. You look for reasons to explain your feelings. It’s the children who are jobless. The school should give them more work. It’s my spouse who is so annoying. Honestly, there is no connection between the situations. But there is a huge need for you to be right, to control. This points to the self. We need to deal with it.” explains Singh. 

Often we don’t know when we need to seek help. Having someone else point it out (though annoying) may help. I asked Singh for symptoms of stress and anxiety that a parent can recognise in him/herself or the partner. So here’s a rough list to shed some light. Take note of how you feel as you read them:

1. I have started demanding that other people do things; my children/my spouse/my neighbours/my children’s schools
2. I find myself feeling frustrated/nervous/overburdened
3. I get restless and have difficulty concentrating, thinking, or making decisions
4. I feel helpless
5. I get a headache/stomach ache often
6. Sleep doesn’t come easy these days
7. There has been a change in my appetite lately
8. Sometimes I have rapid breathing even when I’m sitting still
9. Frequent urination is something I’m dealing with
10. I have thoughts of harming myself/someone else.

Parents, our children don’t need studies to set them up in life. They need stable homes and loving parents. We need to be grounded to give them security during this time.

If you are experiencing these symptoms or know someone who is, please seek help. There are a number of resources online.  I’ve listed four friends I trust. Two men and two women professionals, in case you want a recommendation.

This too will pass.

Kamal Singh +919902723377

Vera Mascarenhas +919820600804

Suvish Sundaram +919986412673

Shilpa Waghmare +919880117996