Confusing ‘being attentive’ with ‘hovering’, is what helicopter mums do best. Like most addictions, the first step is to admit it. Read on, you may find yourself here.

Last week, I was at a story-telling session with my littlies and had the misfortune of sitting next to a helicopter mum – well-meaning, totally clued-in, borderline show-off – you know the type. The storyteller warmed up by asking the children questions on reading and TV. Every passing second, heli-mum sat up in her chair, sliding close to the edge; she couldn’t bear NOT to prompt her son. And when he said he loved TV, she gulped. When he said his favourite show was Oggy and the Cockroaches, everyone gulped.  She stood up, stuttering – “errr… National Geographic, Animal Planet… err… Discovery!” Then, she let loose and went all out to convince the storyteller, one-on-one, about what she her son “really” watched. Poor guy. Poor Oggy.

I wondered if I was ever that bad when I had just one child. I know that I too was clued-in and wildly active in my parenting, but did people around me want to wring my neck too? Keyah was my first child, my ‘project’, the reason I gave up ‘corporate life’. Post partum, I hadn’t immediately felt the luvvvv I was “supposed” to feel and wondered (for months) why on earth I’d let my life change so drastically. Journalist one day, maid the next; it was more than I wanted to handle.

Then, one day I realized that it wasn’t her fault she’d popped out in the middle of my fun life. I decided, that day, that I would be responsible, and rock this ‘mother role’ as if I was being paid a six-figure salary for it. A bit too responsibly, at first… but once my second little girl came along (thank God for that!), I had a twin focus. I might have become a helicopter mum if she hadn’t arrived.

What’s so bad about helicopter mums? Well, they hover around till everyone is tired of the sight and sound of them. The earlier-mentioned one wouldn’t even let her tot draw his favourite character from the story that was told. She stayed at the edge of her seat shouting – “Draw hands, draw eyes; Kannaaaa, I’ll come draw?” At this point, her son stopped saying ‘NOOO’ and growled at her. Like really, he got on his fours and GGGGROWLED. I’m glad he did, or I would’ve.

How do you know you’re ‘it’?

• You organise play dates; and play with the kids
• You always chat up/pull up teachers (and you don’t know this, but they run every time they see you walk in the gate)
• You pack fancy lunch boxes with everything cut into bite-size pieces
• You answer questions addressed to your child, even what his name is – with its meaning!
• You pounce on your child if she misses ‘please’/‘thank you’ in public – with contrived politeness – loudly 
• You check verbally and physically if your child wants to/has/is going to use the loo.

If you answer ‘yes’ to even three of these rough questions, you’re child is in danger of being stifled. Back off with your hands above your head and find something else to engage yourself! Children of helicopter mums run the risk of never thinking for themselves and always look to mum to sort out situations. They are unable to take decisions, however minor, they have no confidence because in their minds, mum is the only one who can think and knows what to do. They are unsociable and feel unaccepted. Other kids find them a nuisance because they can’t cope with not being the life of the party.

Consider it… does that sound like the man/woman you want to raise? You may never get a ‘thank you – you know – just a growl.

This column was first published in the Bangalore Mirror on 17 September 2013